in this previous post i took out the scalpel of common sense, tempered by diverse experiences, and began a reckless attempt at debridement of the deeply scarred tissue of modern long-term relationships.
in that post, i introduced the following ideas:
* alpha and beta are not opposites, nor are they negative spaces, like yin and yang. they are entirely separate clusters of behavioral traits. (in extremely compressed timeframes they can take on some aspects of opposition, which is why the PUA community is so obsessed with contrasting them, but in longer timeframes it’s ridiculous to continue the charade of contrast.)
* the traits are not binary; each can be represented by a continuum, to which i’ve arbitrarily put the numbers -10 to 10. (if you really hate negative numbers, then add ten, divide the result by two, and, hey presto, you have an 0-10 scale. i’m nothing if not helpful.)
* i introduced scales for the following alpha traits:
alpha trait 3: control the conversation
alpha trait 4: all interaction is sexually charged
alpha trait 5: authority
alpha trait 6: independence
yes, #1 and #2 are missing; see below.
* i discussed the meaning of such terms, as widely bandied about as they are vague, as “congruent”, “just be yourself”, and “better relationship game”.
in this post, i will describe a few more of the alpha traits, giving a more complete picture of “alpha”. in a few days, i’ll post a pretty comprehensive discussion of the beta traits (which are, more or less, completely orthogonal to these alpha traits).
then, i’ll attempt to sketch an outline of the optimal relationship between the two, upon which the genesis of such previously mysterious facts as “alphas get sooooo much more credit for random acts of kindness!” will suddenly become crystal clear.
back to your regularly scheduled programming.
remember the warning in the first edition of “to whatever self be true”: you will be treated as a fraud, a hollow, fake alpha, if you do not have reasonably consistent values on ALL of these scales.
this statement has possible exceptions in terms of scales #1 and #2 below, which may be strongly skewed by a woman’s prior experience with molestation, sexual abuse, and other such permanent beshitment. otherwise, if you’re looking to “improve your game”, you’re looking at the intimidating, but not insurmountable, task of moving all of these sliders very slowly up the board, so that no two of them are more than a couple of points out of sync.
ALPHA TRAIT 1: SEXUAL DOMINANCE
-10 = he doesn’t make a move without her explicit approval, and even then is still walking on eggshells, thinking nothing of his own pleasure amid his fear of displeasing his mistress
-5 = he has some sexual agency and will take some sexual initiative, but is still relentlessly concerned with “technique” and “how to please her”, as though these two things were purely biomechanical functions; he will literally take direction from her, or, in the absence of such direction, will pester her, explicitly or implicitly, with “does that feel good?”; he won’t initate sexual contact, except in contexts where it’s traditionally expected (e.g. after a candlelit dinner or a large purchase) or at her urging
0 = he likes to get his rocks off, and will thus occasionally initiate bouts of frenzied, strangely energetic fucking in a mostly vain attempt to simulate the intense friction of his tightly closed hand; he’s above literally having to take instruction from her, but he’s still the sexual equivalent of a supplicating sycophant, overly concerned with trying to elicit “her pleasure” in a forced, mechanical way that doesn’t take account of her psychological need for dominance; he often gets her decently close to orgasm with the frenzied ersatz-masturbation-fucking, but then ruins the vibe completely by switching back into “pleaser” mode; he’s still not spontaneous in initating sex, although liquid courage, PUA materials, and friends’ prodding now push him to occasional sexual spontaneity (inevitably with hilariously awkward results with which she can later regale her girlfriends)
+5 = he takes control in the bedroom, clearly dominating her both physically and psychologically; however, he is still concerned with such things as giving her orgasms; any degrading dirty talk of his, however intense, is still mostly rooted in fantasy and restricted to the bedroom
+10 = he views the woman as just another inanimate, non-sentient aid in the process of masturbation (although a particularly effective, addictive, and alluring one), and will gladly tell her so, whether during sex or not; rather than assuming that her pleasure will correlate with his, he simply doesn’t care about her pleasure — or, more probably, the thought of “her pleasure” has never occurred to him at all, as anything other than a mythical abstraction
ALPHA TRAIT 2: SEXUAL AGGRESSION
-10 = he has internalized dworkin’s portrayal of sex, in which even the act of thrusting itself is unacceptable male hegemony; he is only comfortable as the passive partner in a sexual relationship
-5 = he doesn’t like to “fuck” so much as he likes to “make love”; he can be very passionate in his lovemaking, but channels this passion in the same way one might channel a passion for painting and handling fabergé eggs
0 = occasional physically aggressive sex, but which is manifested in the awkward, unconvincing way seen in the “domination” genre of mainstream porn (not niche porn, in which there’s sometimes genuine brutality); he’s testing her (and his) limits, but is clearly not much in character while doing so
+5 = handles her the way one would handle a rebellious animal, with lots of spanking, hair-pulling, and general roughness; he generally draws the line at face-slapping, bruising, or gagging, although he may fantasize about doing all these things to her; if he does cross these lines — especially at her explicit or implicit urging — he is deeply ambivalent about doing so
+10 = he can’t even stay hard unless he’s physically hurting her in some way; whether it’s choking her, backhanding her, throwing her around, or just bruising her cervix, the pure catharsis of thrashing and subduing her is the only sexual pleasure that remains alive for him
the above are #1 and #2 because they are the two from which all else flows, in male-female relationships. more on this later.
ALPHA TRAIT 7: DISMISSIVENESS
-10 = he responds very seriously and literally to everything she says, as though answering questions on a very demanding professor’s final exam — even when she is being very obviously sarcastic, lighthearted, ironic, or irrationally emotional
-5 = he responds very seriously and literally to almost everything she says, but, if she is very clearly telegraphing sarcasm/lightheartedness/irony, he’ll sometimes fire back an unexpected volley of his own attempted humor; many of these attempts come off the wrong way, making her feel insulted and destroying the vibe
0 = he’s playfully dismissive/ironic/kidding about as often as she is, sometimes unintentionally mirroring her own humor to a jarring extent; he jokes with her often but in a guarded way, always watching his mouth in the same way he would when joking around with the politically correct HR folks in the office
+5 = the classic PUA “cocky/funny” angle; he’s arrogant and dismissive to an extent that would be unacceptable if he were deadpan and straight-faced, but, when tempered by well-timed humor, is pleasantly disarming; he’s not arrogant enough to be generally known as a jerk, except by people who have an axe to grind against him
+10 = he responds to her only with condescending, degrading (although often hilarious, to others at least) nonsense answers, when he deigns to give such answers at all; he treats her as he’d treat an annoying gadfly, regardless of what she’s saying or doing
ALPHA TRAIT 8: COMFORT IN OWN SKIN / ABILITY TO CAUSE OTHERS TO ADAPT
-10 = has no identity of his own; is a sycophantic suck-up yes-man in absolutely any social or professional circle; is afraid to disagree with any expressed opinions, no matter how ridiculous, preferring to nod vigorously in agreement with absolutely everything (even baldfaced contradictions); adapts every aspect of his behavior, speech, comportment, clothing, decorum, and possessions to keep up with the joneses, smiths, browns, ochoas, jenkinses, chus, wangs, nguyens, puyols, kowalskis, chukwus, panganibans, and thundercloudsittingbulls; at home / in relationships, has no opinions or thoughts other than those downloaded from his woman
-5 = has at least some base identity and base set of beliefs, at any one given point; does not, however, generate such identity/beliefs from within, or from empirical experience or emotional identification. instead, simply follows the prevailing trend of whatever social milieu he finds himself in. he may have some degree of contrast or complexity to his character or identity, but only in ways that have long since achieved the imprimatur of the mainstream; his behavior, speech, comportment, clothing, decorum, and possessions are largely a function of his social milieu, although he will exhibit interesting quirks; will largely act on his woman’s belief and value systems, even when he feels ambivalent about doing so
0 = his identity and beliefs are still very visibly shaped by his environment/social milieu/woman, but he has enough interesting contrasts and quirks to no longer be instantly forgettable as an individual; he is comfortable enough to violate community norms, in mostly minor, nonthreatening ways, but only once he has built up some level of status/”cred” in the community; will still conform his behavior to his surrounding environment, except in narrow niches in which he is clearly superior to those around him
+5 = his core personality, belief system, behavior, comportment, clothing, decorum, and possessions are mostly invariant even upon radical changes in his surroundings, social circle, or professional milieu; he is at least circumspect enough to avoid standing out enough to be a target (whether of physical violence, censure, or social ridicule), but, past that, is not afraid to stand out, and so usually does; often ignores major unwritten rules as well as minor formal rules, trying to “beat the system”
+10 = he is absolutely unaware of, or completely unconcerned with, the strictures, customs, or taboos of any milieu, circle, or environment, no matter how treacherous; he is absolutely himself, all the time, even when that makes him the obvious target of violence, ridicule, or ostracism; he’s exactly the same person in the biker bar, in church, at the office, and at grandma’s hospice, and so doesn’t fit in terribly well at any of these; he doesn’t believe in any notion of external rules, whether unwritten, formal, legal, or otherwise, and so can only be restrained by physical force; he doesn’t change any aspect of his speech, behavior, clothing, possessions, or comportment, no matter what the cost; le monde, c’est lui
and now you’ve got eight of them.
this list is still not comprehensive, nor is it supposed to be; readers, if i’ve missed anything — i wrote this post very quickly, and without any chemical inspiration — feel free to fill in the holes.
next up, the beta part of the equation.